A Strategic Marketing Letter To The Kettle Corn Vendor

Dear Kettle Corn Vendor LLC, Co., et al,

Hello! You may not know me but rest assured I am well versed in small business operations and I am here to share with you free, confidential information that will undoubtedly increase your sales, at least, a bajillion-fold.

Let’s get down to business shall we?

First we will discuss your location. As you probably know in small business it is all about location, location, location. Let me say that you have this aspect of your business plan perfected. I am in awe that you were able to secure the spot just past the Lake Selmac Resort, on the way to the Boy Scout Camping area and directly next to the Frisbee Golf Course, as well as on the main road around the Lake to set up your street vendor equipment. Who do you know? What kind of strings did you pull? Oh never mind, some things are probably better not revealed. I do believe your location is secure because you have been in business there for over a month, good job!  I am still amazed though, the only other street vendor I have ever witnessed setting up shop there was some guy in an old, beat-up, pick-up truck with a load of gnarly wet wood, trying to call it campfire wood. He lasted an afternoon before he was apparently run off. I believe I saw him last week down in CJ, so all is well.

Secondly we need to address your product.

Kettle Corn? Who likes Kettle Corn?

Oh wait, there was that one lady I met in Phoenix, AZ. upon exiting the Wal-Mart. She had just bought a bag of Kettle Corn from the vendor outside the main doors and was enjoying it so much she had to stop her jazzy scooter chair right in the middle of the doors to eat the sweet kernels. She didn’t care as various people tried to nudge past her with their shopping carts, screaming children and questionable service animals, she just sat there crunching away. She was in some sort of Kettle Corn Coma. But let me inform you, she was the only person I ever remember purchasing a bag of Kettle Corn from that vendor and she lives in Phoenix. We are in Oregon.

You might say, “Kettle Corn is like Cracker Jacks, and people like Cracker Jacks.” My insightful business mind replies, “People used to like Cracker Jacks. They liked it when they were kids because there was a silly toy inside. They liked it when the Cracker Jack Co. used to put lots of peanuts in there. Now, one peanut, if you are lucky.”

I have a product suggestion that will increase your sales and boost local economy.

Taylor Dogs!

(I must clarify that I am in no way affiliated with Taylor’s Sausage. Other than the fact that I love their food. And I know that I should not be giving them free advertising. But hey, I’m a nice person like that. I give away free stuff all the time, no charge, just like this wonderful marketing strategy.)

So here is the plan. My Dad, he’s that guy who drives past you waving his bag of Frito’s while your kids are screaming, “Fresh Kettle Corn!!”,  he already told me he would stop in and buy hotdogs all the time. His hot dog consumption alone will supply you with a comfortable income. Then add the rest of my family, shoot you’ll be able to send your kids to college on our purchases alone.

Just imagine the savory smells of juicy hotdogs grilling over hot coals wafting out across the Lake to parts unknown, maybe if the breeze is right, all the way to Kerby. You will have everyone around clamoring to your stand to gobble up those dogs like baseball fans at the World Series!

Now that we have your product improved, we need to cover advertising.

Advertising can cut into profits tremendously. Right now I notice that you have 4 signs placed 100 feet apart upon approaching your vendor cart.

2013-05-02 17.29.13

By switching your product to Taylor Dogs you can cut adverting costs by 75%. One sign is all you will need. Heck, you might find that you won’t need any signage at all! Also you won’t have to recruit your young ones anymore to stand out there screaming at the top of their little lungs, “Fresh Kettle Corn!!” Think of the money you will save on sore throat lozenges!  And then you could actually put those little people to work slathering mustard and relish on those tasty hotdogs. You are gonna need help with that, no joke. I foresee the line to buy scrumptious hotdogs like a line waiting for the Splash Mountain ride at Disneyland. It’ll probably wind around, all the way back to the Resort!

As a bonus, I will leave you with one final marketing tip for your business operation down at the Lake: Later in the summer add snow cones or shaved ice to the menu and you will be set for life!


A Fan of Hotdogs




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