Help Me Judge The Situation

The Situation:

My husband, Alan, and I are sitting in a public place with lots of people all around. Alan gets up and leaves me sitting by myself with his smart phone on the table. Suddenly his phone starts making the loud sound of screaming sirens like you would hear in the event of a nuclear attack. I quickly pick up the phone to disarm the threat and the thing is “locked”.

Now, on my phone I have the simple lock, a monkey could do it. Slide the puzzle piece over to the other puzzle piece spot.


But Alan…!

Alan doesn’t want the CIA, FBI, the UN or his wife accessing his phone. Which is fine, but don’t leave it unattended.

I had watched him complete his pattern a few times so I tried to make the pattern which would open up the device so I might silence the deafening time bomb. Once, twice, fail….people are looking, staring…three times…people are cringing….four times, five times, epic fail…phone’s locked now for 30 seconds because I entered the wrong pattern 5 times!

Shiz. Little kids are hiding under tables like they were taught to do in school in case of a bomb threat and parents are laughing nervously. I’m sweating.

I thought these phones were smart? Can’t it tell all I want to do is shut the stupid thing off!

Finally quiet… the nuclear attack was just a test. It’s okay dear citizens, this was just a test of the Alan Franks Emergency Broadcast System.


The Judgement:

I think Alan enjoys exercising his right to be obnoxious.

Did he leave the phone sitting on the table on purpose knowing it was going to explode and I would be left to defuse it? Why did he have a smirky grin on his face as he strolled back to the table? Why does he have to pick the most annoying ring tones known to man and have the volume cranked to 11?

The answers to these questions are easy if you know my husband. What do you think?


11 thoughts on “Help Me Judge The Situation

  1. The blogosphere is not known for its restraint, but I won’t throw the first dart… Maybe allowing the “silencer” button to escape from the lock function would be a good option for the designers. Me, I would have considered placing the phone in my soup!

    • Bullseye!
      The designers aren’t concerned about good options. They probably sit around and laugh out loud about all the bloopers that happen with technology these days.
      The soup was a good idea except I didn’t have any. Maybe my soda?

  2. I’d have sat on it. ha ha Terrific post.
    Once my son and I programmed my husband’s ring tone to be this country song, “Too Sexy for my Shirt” real loud. The trouble was he didn’t get a phone call till he was at a meeting with government officials. Ha ha He ended up laughing as did they but he was quite put off when he got home. ha ha ha

  3. Oh, Lori! Sticking it in the soup is good, I’d have run for the toilet water! Smart Phones? Too expensive to just drop in the fish tank! Usually, those who have loud tones, also talk through a mega-phone too! And, leave them on at the movie theater? Our Alan doesn’t do that, does he? Love the idea of sitting on it too! Love ya!

    • Yes too expensive and no insurance. How would’ve I explained that one to the adjuster anyhow? ….”The thing wouldn’t shut up so I had to take matters into my own hands!”
      Alan is really good about putting his phone on silence at the movies, church or Aliesha’s programs. Good thing or it could cause mass hysteria!

  4. Pingback: Lazy or Spoiled or Both? « Sunny Side Up

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